Saturday, February 27, 2010

I make myself sick.

carsick, that is.

my motion sickness is EPIC. even loaded up with dramamine, i'm the chick on the boat to catalina who's laying down on the outside deck benches moaning and trying to sleep it off. steal my wallet, just bring over a bucket for me to puke in.

and today. well, TODAY i made myself carsick driving to the mall. not a curvy windy road. just straight down hawthorne. i've never been so happy to park my car and go shopping! "LAND!" i exclaimed as i bolted from the car, kissing the ground in relief. well, making a kissing motion towards the ground, because, really.


there are certain places where i feel that conversation is absolutely unnecessary. bathrooms, for one. thanks for the offer, lady, but i'm trying to piddle and you're not making it easy on my shy bladder. no, i don't remember where i got my shoes, but if you don't shut up soon, i might whiz on them.

dressing rooms are another. now i don't mind a quick comment when/if you come out to the big mirror. but when i sneeze, and you not only bless me twice but shove a kleenex under the door, i tend to yelp in surprise. i'm not wearing pants, could this wait?

also, i find it odd that you would ask me if i shop here often. i'm sure you're a lovely person, but i don't like you "that way." also, stop stroking my handbag.


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