okay, facebook. listen.
i like you. i more than like you. i less than three you.
but for serious. STOP RECOMMENDING FRIENDS FOR ME.
it's just creepy! it's not like you recommend people that i actually know and love. no no. you recommend people that i sometimes don't even know exist! and would never need to! or people that i know exist, but i stay far, far away from!
but let's just pretend, facebook, that you're being helpful.
let's just say that, okay, in this dreamland we will call "facebookflufffluffcottoncandyville", i friend request them and they say okay. here is how my first post on their wall would go:
hello, friend from kindergarten! long time no see! do you still eat paste? boogers? how 'bout paper? remember when you skinned your knee? yeah, those were awesome times. i bet not much has changed!
hello, stalker ex boyfriend! long time no see! ah, who am i kidding?! you were tapping on my window a couple of weeks ago! is it cold in the bushes? do you ever get bored and think of maybe getting a hobby, or a new girlfriend? better run...you're about to call my cell phone 19 times in a row. it IS 3am, after all!
hello, psycho bitch from high school who made my life a living hell! how's it going? i'll bet you're on your 13th drink of the night. i don't know which was funnier, spreading the rumor that i lost my virginity in history class during second period, or the time you stole the candy bars i was selling for drill team, just to get a laugh! oh, how i chuckled! but don't worry, water under the bridge. nice kids, btw. do they all have the same dad?
hello, guy i went on three dates with and hooked up with a couple times! nice to see you? still have that suspicious looking mole on your neck that needs to be checked out? how's...um...i never met your family, so um...do you have a family? are they well? still kickin'?
really facebook, do you want the chaos that would ensue here?
i didn't think so.
now go shut your bitch ass face.